Inuyasha In A Nutshell
by Sneaky-Kat4-Life2
Summary: PLEASE READ: This is a parody, guys. Don't look at this and think I'm just straight flaming... I mean, I kind of am, but there's a reason behind it. XD


My head was throbbing. I could feel the room spinning as I fought to open my eyes. I'd rub the sand from them if I could move my arms. I let out a frustrated groan and laid my head back against the wall I was shackled to.

One of Naraku's reincarnations had captured me _yet again._ For some reason being able to shoot magical arrows makes me this giant beacon for demons. I may as well wear a shirt that says "Kidnap Me" ! I sighed and looked around the room, attempting to get my bearings.

At least they hadn't gagged me this time. Getting sweaty bandanas shoved in your mouth doesn't exactly taste like ice cream. My small moment of relief was cut short when Kana entered the room, carrying that tiny mirror as usual.

"You again?" I called out to her. "I thought it was decided that you can't take my soul or your mirror will break or whatever."

"This mirror isn't for you," Kana replied, small and hushed as usual. "It's for-"

"Inuyasha, right?" I interrupted. "Bad news for you, then. I haven't seen Inuyasha in days because I have my own social life too. I have no clue where he is."

"Kagome, Kagome, Kagome…" tsked Kagura, zipping into the room on her magic feather. "Whether or not you know the Halfbreed's whereabouts is unimportant. We have scouts for that. All that matters is that _he_ knows where _you_ are."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small swarm of Sineyosho, carrying a mirror just like the one Kana held. I glimpsed at the reflection and got a good glance of what I looked like after I got pumbled and lost consciousness. The pounding in my head was coming from a bruise on the left side of my forehead, were I was hit with what felt like a fucking boulder, and my wrists were slowly being rubbed raw from the rusty metal chains that held me in place. Whoever kidnapped me must've dragged me through the dirt all the way here because I was absolutely filthy. I could see a small twig poking out of my hair, and several leaves clung to my skirt. As I looked more, my bow and arrow had been confiscated. Another swarm of bugs carried my bag. I assumed they'd carry the bag and mirror to Inuyasha as some sort of threat to come get me.

I sighed. Typical evil scheme.

"Hey, since you here, mind telling Naraku something for me?" I piped up. Kagura and Kana looked at me in idle curiosity. I think they expected me to start fighting or panicking like a wimpy ass prisoner.

"Can you tell him this is getting really really old?" I asked. "Come on, man. Kidnap the damsel priestess, lure the hero with her personal items and threaten to kill her, have the hero come and fight all your henchmen, hero takes priestess home, and you get to walk away with a destroyed lair and get what out of it? One tiny shard? You might even lose one or two to us in mid-battle because Naraku keeps on putting them in his weak little armies of demons instead of, I dunno, keeping them for himself?"

They were speechless. I rolled my eyes and shifted my place.

"And put me in more comfortable chains at least. My wrists are starting to peel and my butt's numb from sitting on this hard-ass ground for hours on end. Is originality lost to you people? All villains do basic stuff like this! You could spice it up at least, like instead of putting me in chains you could lock me in a big bird cage or a bedroom or just give me a fucking magazine. Prisoners get bored, too."

"Kana, please shut her up." Kagura muttered, turning and walking away.

"Hey, don't dismiss me!" I loosened my shoe and kicked it off. It bounced off her head and landed next to her. "I'm trying to say something here!"

She growled and opened her fan, blasting wind at my face. "Shut up before I just kill you!"

"See, there you people go again." I replied. "Empty threats and routine taunts. I pity Inuyasha for having to put up with this. If I could pick locks I'd have broken free and been on my merry fuckin' way. I'm a priestess, dumbasses. But I can't pick locks, so he has to waste ten minutes slashing up some zombies and looking for me."

I opened my mouth again to comment on the fact that Naraku needs to do some redecorating and patch the roof up when the building shook. "Oh look. Hail the conquering hero, Inuyasha the Dog Demon."

The door opened and Inuyasha stood there with his Tetsuaiga drawn, ready to throw down. He looked at me and just kind of nodded his head. He realized that I was still being fed the 'well well well' speech. In other words, there was no danger.

"Hey, you got to me before they sent out the threats. That's a new record." I said. "Hurry up and cut me loose so we can go get the shard in Youkan Village."

He sheathed his sword and approached me casually. "Nice to see you, too, Kagome. Hey, you have that crunchy stuff in your bag right?" he inquired, using his iron reaver move on the shackles, breaking them. I rubbed my wrists as he lifted me bridal style. "The tangy stuff that tastes like it should burn your mouth but doesn't."

"Barbeque potato chips, not this time. We ran out so you have to make do with regular until mom goes to the store again." I explained while he slashed up the flies and shrugged my bag over his shoulder. Kana stood there and watched us head for the door, and Kagura ogled in disbelief.

"Maybe we _should _develop some more threatening tactics." She muttered as we vanished into the woods to make love and share our feelings like every fangirl assumes we do when we're not with Sango Miroku and Shippo. Then stuff happens and Inuyasha stops being a player and either chooses me or the other dead bitch Kikyo and haves other half-demon babies with them and mystical junk.

Shut up and read my fanfiction.

Fin

* * *

So...

I made this after I watched the first four+ episodes of Inuyasha. I was laughing so hard at the story line that I couldn't breathe. I didn't pick the show back up for like a week, and in that week I wrote several tacky fanfictions for it, one of them being this.

I was digging through my old files and found it and was like, "Oh my god. I gotta post this shit."

So I did. And now, here it is.

Of course, now I know that the plot line is actually pretty damn badass, and I'd already finished the series last year.

Don't kill me, please. This was meant to poke some fun, not mock anyone's fanfictions or whatevs. c:

Peace n' love, peoples!

-Sneaky


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